Tuesday, January 27, 2009

`Pls Describe a D0nkey Punch,' Work Meeting of Death, Saw III/IV

What. A. Day. (W.A.D.) I had on Thursday.

First, my editor -- darling man -- asked me to explain what a "Donkey Punch" is, as he was editing my review of the movie by the same name; the stress of trying to type something coherent to him did as much damage to my health as my Momofuku fried pork and egg bun that morning.

Something along the lines of this was written, as my face pulsed in embarrassment: "donkey punch ... oy. well, two people are - ahem - and the male of the situation strikes the woman. in this case, he accidentally strikes her so that she hits her head and breaks her neck. it's really awful. i won't be offended if you cut it (!)"

Sigh. He didn't cut it, and I'll perhaps post the reviews later.

Just as I was getting over this sweet discussion, we were all summoned to the "Ottawa" room -- me and the other useless grunts I work with, that is. So much pain and suffering can be stuffed into one little, longest hour of your life!

We were warned -- for all intents and purposes -- that we could all be fired at any time; well, no, not directly, but Bossman and Bossman's Bosslady, had clearly been told from somewhere on high something that made them shake in their boots. While the panic amongst workmates was palpable, this was the only part of the meeting that I didn't find depressing. In fact,
my ears perked up a bit, as getting the old axe would mean L.A. here I come. The decision would be made for me!

What was depressing was the rest of it. Usually, we're spared in-person meetings, each of us dialing in to some conference room in the sky, (so I can continue typing and sighing in PEACE -- and on mute). Not this time.

"Things are going to change around here," he/she/they intoned (so many times that, at one point, I actually thought they almost believed themselves!). "We have a new Vision for The Group."

What followed was simply an incoherent, depressing load of bunk, the likes of which I hadn't seen or heard in a long time.

This neverending meeting reminded me just how awful and boring and mind-numbing the non-movie reviewing part of my job is. Or, maybe it was how seriously the Bosses have to take what we do for their own dignity when, deep down (not that far deep), they've got to know we could any day be replaced by computers -- and it sounds like we might be!

Upon returning to my desk, I'd received two great correspondences from two of my favorite work friends -- two people who make it so that each day is a little funny and so that each day I'm not found splattered on the 58th-street sidewalk.

Summation 1:

60 minutes. 20 people. 4 chairs. it's like a scenario out of Saw III or something. felt like i was a guard at tomb of the unknown solider. standing motionless at various statuesque poses. not showing any sign of fatigue. but trying to convey respect. except this wasn't the tomb of the unknown solider, rather it was a waste of our time. (let's spend 10 minutes on how to click on a link in media master, then wc starts to complain about how to search for MULTIPLE FLOODS IN ONE DAY) ha. so there. said my piece. whew. that felt good. `r

Summation 2:

[Redacted]: ummmm
that call made me want to kill myself
2:51 PM it's just unbelievable
thank you.
[Redacted]: i just don't know what to say
me: CAN this day get worse?
[Redacted]: it's just frightening how bad the leadership of this team is

One descriptive, one brief -- both of the same sentiment. Oh. How. Sad.

Ah, just as I was about to post, Redacted popped into my G-Chatland

[Redacted]: kill me

Another day at the Factory!

In light of my coworker's mentioning of Saw III, I had to peruse through the multiple scenes and trailers online, of course. So much about the Saw IV trailer reminds me of my job. Those taglines--so fitting! And that mummy-looking fellow at the end there, that's how I'm going to look at the end of 2009 if Things Do Not Change.