Well, that was supposed to be a fun night. Sure, we all knew 2009 had been a year of movie mediocrity, a crime against our collective sensibilities. But, I'd been awaiting Oscar night since the turn of the year -- and, now I'm going to have to hesitate each time I fork over my $12 to see anything.
That was the most piss-poor performance of hosting I've ever had the (un)privilege of watching. In the past few days, I'd watched "Parenthood," "My Blue Heaven," "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels," "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles," and "The Jerk," in homage to Steve Martin; I've always been caught up on "30 Rock" (for Mr. Baldwin) but, I even re-re-re-watched "Beetlejuice."
All those hours of being glued to the screen, just so I was sure I'd catch any movie-references and/or jokes that were going to be put forth on stage.
And, what'd we get? Nothing.
To jab/twist the knife further, "The Hurt Locker," really?
Sandra Bullock in "The Blind Side," REALLY?
Perhaps the Academy of Jerks is waiting to give Meryl a Sidney Poitier-esque Honorary Award in the years to come when she's an old lady, but ... Wow, to snub her Julia Child performance in "Julie and Julia" to laud Ms. Bullock? -- even I, with the heart of ice, doesn't approve.
82nd Oscars, thumbs down -- just like all the sh*t movies 2009 presented.
(Disclaimer: Thank the gods that Jeff Bridges won for "Crazy Heart," and Cristoph Waltz for "Inglorious Basterds" -- else, all would be wrong in the world.)
To get our minds off of this travesty, let's watch a trailer I saw yesterday at the moofies. "Cyrus":
"What are you doing here in the forest, with Shrek?" -- "It's like a crippled tree, reaching for Heaven." -- "I will knock you out." Awesome.