Movies of the Year, Guess I'll Go Ahead and Do It

I don't like following in the footsteps of David Denby. I get it; we're both blowhards who tend to think our opinion means something. That said, what follows are some notable flicks that I likely saw while twiddling my thumbs and making sure that 10 fingers still exist. That is, there weren't a boatload of speakable movies this year (There was no "No Country for Old Men" or "There Will Be Blood") -- sad to say.

We end the decade on mediocrity.

Chin up, move forward --I'm refusing to look at DD's list, which is going to make this blindly hard:

The Informant!

No, this was nothing to write home about (Hola, Mama and Brother G!), but it was certainly a compelling film -- and one that deserves to be spoken of, given its sweet choice in movie ditties and voice-overs. Matt Damon had to pack on some pounds to play a Midwesterner; his efforts were duly noted, and appreciated, by this old Grice.

District 9

I said it once, and I'll say it again: this was a fantastic film. It looked silly in previews, a bunch of 28-Days-Later-esque zombies coming to sink their teeth into you; but D9 wasn't about that at all. It was/is a film about a manufactured problem involving racism amongst us humans, and second-class citizens, nicely named the "Prawns."

Zombieland

I don't really know what to say. I saw it twice in theaters; I have it queued to be sent to me ASAP. I've always loved Woody Harrelson -- Bill Murray was just an amazing treat, unexpected. This movie had laughs in all the right places -- Brother G and I just kept looking over at one another to make sure we'd gotten every reference --and, despite its name, it should become a comic classic.

500 Days of Summer

OK, let me go get my barf bag -- but, before I do so, I should admit that I fell in love with this movie quite readily. Joseph Gordon-Levitt ... his aspirations toward love are vulnerable-making, even in just watching the film -- I think it cracked the old Grice impenetrable spine. I'll still die (willingly) sad and alone, but JGL made me remember that some people consider that failure.

Julie and Julia

I loved this horrid movie! Meryl Streep, steeped in a cast that boasts Stanley Tucci and Amy Adams (of "Catch Me If You Can," "Enchanted," etc.), plays Julia Child, while Adams is JulIE --a notable difference. And we get to watch a young blogger (why, hello?) play to Julia Child's cookbook, making herself and her young husband's dishes every night.

3 stars.

Corrupting Little Morgan's Belief in Love; "500 Days of Summer"

"I didn't really understand it," she said, staring up curiously at my somewhat somber face.

I looked down at Little Morgan and shook my head slowly; with a melodramatic sigh, I said: "I hope you never have to."

We were walking out of "500 Days of Summer," a film about the rocky relationship of Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer Finn (Zooey Deschanel), two Los Angelans who work together at a greeting cards company. My response to Little Morgan was referring to my hope that she never has to understand the ups-and-downs, confusions, woes, heartaches, bitterness, abandonments, etc. that accompany relationships.

Of course, Little Rat was referring to the non-linear timeline of the film, which follows 500 days of Tom and Summer's relationship, certainly not my cliched and embarrassing projections that came out in the form of a slow head shake and a short-lived clutch of her shoulders.

The film jumps around from day 1, to day 26, to day 149, back to day 4, for example, so each scene is preceded by a number in parenthesis to indicate the day and guide you as to the state of the relationship. Hence her confusion.

Tom is a hopeless, hopeless romantic who falls madly in love with Summer upon first sight ([Day]1); Summer is a colder sort, one given to casual liaisons and defensive diatribes on the falsity of love. ([Day] 1, 2, 7, 147, 208, 49). Tom quickly wins her over, during a company karaoke night; her knees buckle, but her heart doesn't. All that jazz. She's a jerk, but he's stuck in love with a girl who doesn't want him.

I got teary-eyed, again. I think it's something in this Texas water ... Little Morgan kept looking over at me, and while I usually send back a Death Stare to tell her not to bother me with her little questions about whatever film's plot, this time I just gave her a sad face and took her hand. Combined with Julie & Julia, that kid's gotten more Big Morgan love than she's probably seen in the last few years put together (give or take).

Bah.

Overall, I thought the film does a fine job of depicting the nuances of a relationship. When you relate to the boy, Tom, you're overcome with all the feelings you've had when you've been with someone who took you for granted; who didn't give their all to you; who didn't ask you seemingly-little things ... like how your day was.

When you side with Summer, you feel she's right for being selfish; her casual flightiness is suddenly acceptable because you remember the times when you yourself were a jerk to someone because maybe you didn't think they were worth your time. Scruples were lost on you at that time, and you rationalized your not-so-kind behavior.

When I explained this to Heathen Child, The Rat didn't seem to understand why the higher in number the days went, that didn't necessarily correlate to a higher level of happiness.

I had to resist the urge to say, "All in good time, Child, all in good time." Instead, I took her to Wendy's for a Frosty, though I miiiiight've said she ought to break up with her little boyfriend Dustin:

"Hey, it's your last year in elementary school -- you really want someone tying you down?" I intoned.

What's wrong with me?

G.I. J...ust Shoot Me

It was supposed to be an even trade.

In exchange for not complaining (too much) for being dragged (kicking and screaming, but in a quiet, uncomplaining way -- ahem) to G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and promising not to fall asleep, My Friend agreed to a double feature of my choosing; I was planning on Pulp Fiction and perhaps The Night of the Hunter, one of the creepiest, most awesome movies I know of -- or another childhood favorite. I recently introduced the kid to Old Boy, so I was looking forward to showing off my movie tastes.

Plans have changed.

After that God Awful 2-hour experience, I believe now I'm fully prepared to chop off the old nose to spite my face. Yes, I believe I'll be Netflixing "Love in the Time of Cholera" or "Music and Lyrics" soon -- better, both.

It's not much worth going into the details; in fact, on the drive home, neither of us could stop repeating how awful, unimpressive and seemingly neverending the worthless waste of time was. (I was secretly hoping it'd be one of these hate-yourself-for-liking-it summer Blockbusters that I'm still inclined to love). After leaving some of my brain cells back in the theater, ten minutes later we were quickly forgetting many of the main "plot points" -- all I could do was shake my head, give Friend a haaaard time (naturally), and comment on how sad it was that I respected some of the actors and their normally decent choice in roles.

Basically, the uber-elite Joes (including Marlon Wayans as "Ripcord," and Channing Tatum as "Duke" -- a man who would be after my heart, had he not contributed to this cinematic slop) are given the mission of saving the world from widespread destruction, and ultimate domination, via some nano technology that was developed by an evil doer who has a longstanding hatred for the French; something to do with his ancestor being made to wear a scalding hot mask that deformed him and relegated him to the outskirts of, say, society.

The choice of the French as a main target of hate was fitting, as this movie is about as dumb as a stereotypically Big American Blockbuster can get. This nano technology -- I believe it manifested in "nanomites" -- is some green junk that descends upon people and places and eats them up (think images of the Eiffel Tower being attacked by those little bugs in "The Mummy" that come swarming out ... only in The Mummy, you feel sorry for those characters being swarmed on, whereas in G.I. Joe I was hoping the green bugs would fly off the screen and start to eat away at my very own flesh).

There's a beautiful "Baroness" (Sienna Miller) who's working with the bad men, at one point all major cities are being threatened and Wayans flies his crazy jet, which you knew he was going to comandeer about 2 minutes into the movie, from one side of the planet to the other in, oh, about 12 seconds. Of course, during the action scenes you don't know which way is up or who's really heading where. Sadly, my long-maintained respect for Joseph Gordon-Levitt (The Lookout, 500 Days of Summer) has diminished after his taking part in this mess; and, I suppose Dennis Quaid (who plays the gung-ho, hardcore head military man) hasn't exactly been making movie magic in his films the past good while with the gems "Vantage Point" (God, that was awful) and "American Dreamz" to his name ... but it's sad to see the native Houstonian in this bunk nevertheless.

It was aw-ful.

I guess they're banking on nostalgia and the Transformers crowd to come out en masse (two showtimes were sold out this afternoon, which was fine because it just led to some Big Buck Hunter playing in the theater arcade to work on my shooting skills in preparation for my upcoming trip to the gun range, but I digress).

In other news, I haven't worked at the University (of Houston) in a WEEK because of some conference that has dragged my professor-bosses off. Buuuuut, hopefully they'll put me back to work this week; I miss the smell of the classrooms, driving to campus with my bosslady and gossipping about the faculty, and just feeling for the first time that I'm doing something useful at the workplace.

Also, idle afternoons with Little Morgan leads to movie marathons (can't complain) or days spent wandering the Kemah, Texas, boardwalk attempting to entertain her while the greedy little rat spends all my money.

But, I'm happier for many reasons than I have been in quite some time. People (or maybe just the pace) may be slower in Tejas than in that cold, hard New York city, but goooood lordy, the people sure are nice, thoughtful, generous and I'm re-picking up all the crazy old sayings I grew up repeating. Moreover, there are so many opportunities to get into drag-down political debates because people are crazier here!

In the event that I decide to take pity on Friend and myself, I maaaaayyy still dig out The Night of the Hunter -- it's so-uh-oh good: