"The Yellow Handkerchief," Kristen Stewart

I've always known I can't walk past a movie theater without finding an excuse to duck in. Even broke as a joke, I find a way to rationalize:

"These old guts could use a good few days without eating," I think.

Yesterday, the excuse was to see "The Blind Side" because it was the only film I hadn't seen for The Oscars; only, it wasn't playing at Lincoln Cinemas.

So, while I was twiddling my thumbs round the theater, three very zealous ladies approached me and asked if I could take their picture in front of the poster for "The Yellow Handkerchief." I hadn't heard of the movie, and while I obliged their picture-taking (for near-on a dozen photos), I became intrigued.

"It's supposed to be an amazing movie," one said.

"I've heard it's supposed to be greeeeaaaat," said another.

When I waltzed into the theater they slapped my shoulder and said, "We convinced you! We're here to support Kristen Stewart."

I should've left right then and there; but, I didn't -- William Hurt is in the movie, so I thought it might turn out fine.

It did not.

This horribly disjointed movie made me cringe and get unwarranted goosebumps multiple times. That means, manipulative. I'm all for goosebumps and girlish feelings, but when you goad me along in your story, thinking I'm going to find some big pay-off -- don't play me for a fool, especially when you're taking my Ramen-noodle budget with you.

Premise: Brett Hanson (William Hurt) gets let from prison, and all he wants is to feel the free air on his hands and get himself a beer. He does so -- he goes to a local Southern (yes!) diner and sits down to some food and a beer ... but then.

He looks out the window and sees Martine (Kristen Stewart) getting into a tiff with her assumed-beau; then we start the flashbacks to Hanson's perpetration and things get a bit eerie. We see toes that are feminine and wonder if his wrongdoing was r@pe; we wonder if his jail-time was due to his primal nature, as they show so many flashbacks making us want to think that.

But, he seems like a good guy.

Then, enter "Gordy" (Eddie Redmayne -- who I haven't written about since "Savage Grace") who's his same unbelievably gaunt-looking weird-guy character; but this time, he's ostensibly trying to look after Martine. The three of them -- Hurt, Stewart, Redmayne -- have to deal with being alone (really alone ... think: post-Hurricane Katrina/Zombieland) for a few days.

The problems with the movie were plenty. I love apocalyptic-sensation, zombies, and non-linear timelines; but this movie didn't get it right. They try to trick you, but you're so bamboozled already by the close that you're predicting a sedate ending. Which is what you get.

Two big Grice-thumbs down.

A Needed Winter Triple Feature: Third, Cop Out

When I was 10, I went on my first secret-date with a boy at the Dollar Cinema, the esteemed place which I've written about on this here bloggle many times before. We saw "Loaded Weapon 1," and I hated it. My next secret date was to "Blankman" (in the same cinema: we were kids and broke ... oh, how things have changed... [cough]).

I hated that one, too. I was a cynical little jerk, looking back.

I'm all for spoofs, irony, parodies, mocks, whatever -- but as a little kid, I had no time for it. I thought those rung stupid and too silly; I guess I was a tiny snob.

Because "Cop Out" was pretty awesome. Maybe my sensibilities have regressed over the years - or, maybe I've just been yearning for a silly buddy-cop movie and hadn't realized it. I thought this movie was pretty hilarious, and so refreshing for the movie environs we're given right now.

I went with a movie friend of mine, and we both entered with extremely low expectations. Over dinner, we thought if the food took too long, it might be better, in fact, if we didn't make it to the picture.

But, we scarfed down our nachos and sauntered over to the theater -- as we walked out, we were both still chuckling.

I don't need to describe the movie premise in any detail; it's Bruce Willis (as Jimmy Monroe) and Tracy Morgan (as Paul Hodges) playing bumbling police partners who are looking to take down some bad dudes. Within the first five minutes, we see Paul (Tracy Morgan) interrogating a perpetrator; his method is to use every line in every movie involving bad/good guys in pop culture to get the guy to squeal.

I was grabbing my guts from laughter, and testing myself internally to make sure I got all the references at the same time.

The self-referential stuff goes on throughout the movie -- and for someone like me - someone who tends to speak in movie lines because she's incapable of normal human interaction - it was so great, if incredibly stupid.

When we walked out of the theater, my friend and I both agreed that if you haven't seen every movie under the sun in the past 50 years, it likely might strike the viewer as too slapstick or off-the-wall.

If you are a movie geek, it's quite the little riot.

Ahhhhhh, Oscars in less than two hours!

Just saw "The Yellow Handkerchief" on my walk home from my best friend's apartment on a whim. Probably should've saved those 12 bones.

Again, for giggles, "Loaded Weapon 1"



And, "Cop Out"